2017 in review!

What can I say? The year is over and it didn’t even seem like it lasted a week. I thought is was because of the profession I’m in that takes a large consumption of my time, but it wasn’t that at all. I’ve begun to learn that it’s not the time spent, but how you spend it is truly the only way to measure life.

I guess if I sat here and reviewed all my Facebook posts over the last year I could easily remember what I did, given that I tend to use Facebook as an online diary/notepad to what’s going on in my life, but I wanted this short post to be more than that. I just wanted to touch up on some of the highlights in my year that are not necessarily ranked and seen as priority but more as having an impact to what will come in the future not only for me but also my family!

Before I move forward, I wanted to say first that all my blessings and all that is good in my life is from the Lord our Savior. He is the truth in my life, that I seek daily to grow and not only make each day better but also help me prepare for 2018!

The first half of 2018 was somewhat of a chaotic time for me, my wife Amy and my son Jayden as we had accepted a calling to go onto a Mission to Medellin Colombia…

…and we spent time trying to prepare for an event in our lives that we truly never expected would ever happen. What we had in my mind would happen, actually didn’t happen. As a matter of fact, it was the exact opposite and this was not a bad thing at all. We had the expectations that we were going to help others many miles away from us, but our Lord of mystery probably chuckled a little knowing he had a plan for us, that we to this day are making steps to build on.  Never did we know that we would come in contact with the most amazing people, not only coming to know our group leaders/co-missionaires but also the leaders of Colombia mission groups! This was a very spiritual experience that has planted a seed in our hearts that has begun to grow and continues to grow even as we continue our calling to serve the Lord. Maybe with the “grace” of God I can compile in detail, the events that took place for us and how this has continued to change daily in a book, possibly another blog, but wanted to use this opportunity to touch on the events of 2017.  For now all I can say is that the Lord if real and he is alive in each one of us and he awaits us to call on him to make the change in out lives. (On a side note thanks for all those who helped us make this trip possible with your prayers, donations and support)

 

This year was also one for a lot of sporting events! I don’t want to coin the term “Soccer mom or dad” but it is was exactly that minus soccer-INSERT Football, Volleyball and Baseball! This is easily the bulk of our year and can be easily validated by Amy’s and I’s Facebook posts about the abundance of sporting events that we had attended for our children.  I know that this is pretty common amongst many communities to have their children in sports and our lives mirror that on many of our friends, but I do have to add a simple life disclaimer to all parents, future parents, coaches, future coaches and all those who support organized sports in a very simple comment. Sports are for the enjoyment of the youth! To have an experience of unity and team work-It isn’t about making future HOF’s in their designated sport. We will all run into those situations that make a parent want to just rip out the throat of those who are on the other side of enjoyment of sport participation. Let them just have fun!

Play ball!!!!!…… Run Jett!!!!!….and even better!! HOME RUN!!!! Oh how writing this just tears me up because of many reasons, but for now I’ll pick the proud Dad moment! Jett played for a couple of teams this year and made All-Stars!! Have to say this is one of those moments that tells me that I have a “Diamond” in my son, I have a ball player-May not be a ball player tomorrow but for today he’s the best and nobody can tell me otherwise. This was technically the beginning for Jett, what I can only pray for is a long successful baseball career and that’s what makes 2018 that much more exciting. To see what accomplishments he will have!! Maybe one day I will look at this post and say “Hey I told y’all” “Now starting for the New York Yankees #24 Jett Estrada!” Yup anyone who has known me for a while will laugh knowing I went out on a limb to say Yankees!

Jump!!! SET !!! SPIKE!!!!!!!! I’m not sure how many of y’all have ever experienced club volleyball! But this requires a lot of training, discipline and hard dedication to be a parent! LOL Got ha! But seriously you will understand one day if you don’t already know. I never thought it took all day for one tournament and it’s really hard on your butt sitting all day not to mention the screaming. Now If you had asked me that one day I’d be yelling at a volleyball match more than I yell at my once again disappointing Dallas Cowboys season you’d think I was crazy, but this is the truth these days. See I wasn’t a volleyball player so I’m still learning the ins and outs of the game and I’m sure my screaming proves that sometimes but oh well! It’s truly fun to experience especially when its my giraffe of a daughter! Now I can’t say that I never wanted her to be a softball player given I love the game of baseball but knowing my free-spirited daughter you will easily understand how this girl takes her own path and that makes it very comforting to know that she doesn’t put up with much BS! I don’t know this girl to fail and that makes it very exciting to see what will also come of her upcoming club season and 8th grade volleyball! I didn’t get to see a lot of her Junior High Volleyball due to the time of her games and my work schedule but I know there is a beast out there getting stronger and stronger. Zayde would probably be mad at me to disclose that her wing span is greater than her older brother Jayden’s so I can only assume that I will one day see her slamming that ball down some poor girl’s throat. Keep pressing Zayde! You got this girl!

1st down PIRATES! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Nothing is more exciting than Texas High School football and when its your son’s Senior year, it just makes that even more special! This one is a little hard to write about given that it’s the end to an era for him! Though a sad time for all of us, its a time of reflection on all the great memories we’ve witnessed. The close games and the heart breaker in the end-It has been through the last few football seasons that has solidified our Pirate blood and makes us crave Rum! Amy and I, along with all the family and friends who supported Jayden, watched him take that field with God as his leader and his teammates looking for his lead spiritually. As the season unfolded it had allowed our son to get some exposure, which now as we move into 2018, Jayden is making his official on site visits to different colleges to make a decision on where he may be playing football next! Only 2018 knows that answer and in some private conversations between Jayden and I, I know that no matter the outcome he’s looking down at a bright future. Without turning this blog into a Texas football article I just wanted to say it was an honor to your mother and I to see you on the high school field one last time…(Pause as Mom gets a tissue). Set the sail and venture off Pirate! The seas of life are upon you!

I should’ve thought this through! As I continue to type away I begun to be flooded with all the blessings we have had over this past year, from the growth of our church family and the wonderful friends we have come to know more each and every week and we grow in our faith. Hit the brakes….remember the Colombia trip? Well through that seed it has led Amy and I to become Community group leaders and will be opening our home and hearts to those wanting to growth in their faith with us and I have to admit that I’m pretty nervous and excited at the same time. Doing work for the Lord has made my heart full in knowing that I can offer more to others than I could ever imagine by being a channel to his great glory!

 

Everyday life remains the same and we all get up each day and go to school and work, which is the norm of many of our lives. Amy has taken a position with the LCISD as a PE teacher, and in my opinion I haven’t seen her with more of a smile on her face these days. I personally couldn’t do it. I can barely handle my own children! LOL, of course I don’t mean that but she’s always felt drawn to this profession….Hmmmm maybe because her mother was a teacher??? Either way I wish her much success into the 2018 year!

Outside our home it seems to be a different world in the sense that we havent done much this year and I hope that we make 2018 a year where we can possibly travel more and maybe actually visit family whome we have lost a connection to. I have mixed feelings about this, but as I reflect on this year and the years before, I’ve come to know that people do drift apart and it’s not neccessarily for any particular reason but that the world spins very fast and though we seem still we still push away from eachother, like beads of water on a windshield. Unfortunately it’s those times of struggle that we are suppose to come together and that in my opinion shouldn’t be the reason family and friends stay in contact with each other but it happens. Speaking of family outside my roof, I was blessed, for his posistive recovery, this year for my father whom had some medical concerns that eventually would send him under the knife and have open heart surgery. I know that his recovery will easily bleed into the new year and many years to come but that is expected with a major surgery. I’m just super blessed to know that his trust is in God to take care of him.

If you havent noticed I tend to just jump from subject to subject just randomly reflecting on the year, but then again I’m not a professional blogger and I disclosed that in my very first blog. I truly wish I could capture all the moments of 2017 and put them in this blog but then it dilutes the conversation when two people speak to each other in person. I think sometimes we use social media as acceptable form of communication and it will never replace to gift of the company of others. So as each of us go into 2018, I highly recommend to communicate with family and friends with words across a table, I encourage you to love more and to give a little of yourself away to life and take that step of faith. Dont walk in fear going into 2018 but walk with power and your head held high knowing that this is a magical year for you and I. One that will make our 2018 year in review one for the history books.

Oh I guess I really didnt say much about my big events of 2017 and guess what? I’m gonna go ahead and pass because its not going to matter as I go into this year with the biggest aspirations and goals than ever before. I’m not sure how this ride will go but I sure know how its going to end!

Happy New Year! 2018 HERE WE COME!!!!

 

 

I am who he says I am

“I am man, I’m the product of a woman and a man”

“I am born for a purpose, I’m loved by my creator”

“I am not destined to be chained up by your words…

…but be who my creator has made me to be”

“I’m a man a who can choose his own destiny..

…choose his own fate”

“It’s not my responsibility to be obligated to family by blood…

…but to be the blood for my family”

“I am to Love and allow myself to be loved”

“I am not perfect but my imperfection make me who I am”

“I will wake up everyday knowing that I am who I am…

…and when my time on this earth end…

…I was exactly who God said I would be”

“A child of his kingdom”

The Last train of the night.

Life is very simple-You’re born, you live a little, then you die! We are only here for a short period of time and how you spend that time should not be wasted on things that don’t leave something beneficial to the generations of the future.

Yes I’m sure you have heard these words spoken in some form or fashion, but they stand true on so many levels. So let me say that one more time! Your life is going to end and what are you doing to leave your own legacy behind?

Ok-Let me cut to the chase and explain what sparked this blog about life. Growing up we are trained to believe that we have to have the perfect job and the perfect house, with the perfect little picket fence and so on and so on! This is so far from the truth-The greatest wealth to achieve is the very substance we create in every minute of our lives. I believed that at one point that I had to change the world, which still continues to be a goal of mind but with years passing, I would define it differently than before. That hardwired goal took almost ten years to manifest into a selfishness, where I told myself that I no longer wanted to change the world, but change my world-My family. I thought if we could run off to the oil rich Permian basin we could make our dreams come true-Chasing the black gold! Well I can’t lie and say that it didn’t provide, but it was a direction that was further from where I needed to be. I have worked more hours in the last 3 years then almost the last ten years combined, and with the recent bust it was only at this time that I realized that I had a open throttle to my hour glass of life and not only saw 3 years whip right by me-But I lost something more precious…

I had this conversation with this young man this evening sharing his daily success, from achieving a milestone in his physical ability to his recent progress report showing a sold 4.0 GPA. His strength is no longer measured to that of a boy in the playground who has the best kick ball ability, but one that is setting a foundation to upcoming years to his life as he prepares for life after Mom and Dad. My son Jayden is becoming a man and I’ve been so busy feeding the dreams of others that I have missed my own son’s life change and it isn’t even the only scenario playing out.

I rushed home to due to a short day so that I can start to salvage the day, the precious hours left to spend with my family, my son’s t-ball game as my wife takes my daughter in preparation for her class schedule for next year!-The beginning of Junior High!! My baby girl is gonna be in junior high already and I’m worried about making a living to provide the best of experiences when the best experience aren’t measured in my success but in my presents to them. One particular situation that I recently have had was the opportunity to coach my son’s t-ball for a couple of games and the value of that is priceless. Helping him grow not as a baseball player, but as a teammate who shares his bat, who checks on his teammate who got injured and sportsmanship after a brutal loss knowing that the score never ever even mattered.

After the game I was approached by the opposing coach and questioned why we didn’t have a coach? No sure why that made a difference given they had already slaughtered our 5 players to his 10. He asked if we would have one, which still in my mind I was thinking why does he care? So his response was that he thought his team would have a better opportunity to work on fielding and he felt that the league was getting ripped off by the lack of competition available to him. My response to him on behalf of the team-“We are going to do our best!” If this was something I would have said a few years back in which he probably would be picking himself off the floor, but he doesn’t understand that I have spent the last 3 years deteriorating physically and mentally only kept together by my loving wife to raise a respectable young man, a accelerated highly intelligent future Junior High School student and a little boy whom I have given very little time to learn the game of baseball who can hit the piss out of the ball. He doesn’t understand that I’m not his competition and that he  must only compete with father time. I’m not looking to win the ballgame, I’m looking to beat the clock and give my family to most precious thing of all-My time! With my little boy being the last train of the night and the other two trains at full steam ahead I know that I can’t make up time I can only make it more meaningful.

“We are going to do our best!”-Me

 

 

 

 

This day had to come.

Tags

children, empty nest, first day of school, growing old, love of a family, memories, school

Growing up I remember getting excited about the coming of a whole school year with just the idea and curiosity of what was to come. Looking back I don’t know what was so exciting -It was the same people I saw the year before. Maybe because it was always like a new beginning as if something would be super special about that new school year. Of course with each given grade you had more opportunity to do things and engage in new adventures. Who knows but let’s just say that the first day of school was never a Sad day at least not between the years of 1984-96!

Well fast forward to 2015, tomorrow, the first day of school and I couldn’t be more sad than I am right now! It’s not my first day of school anymore and neither is it for my first 2 children, they have had a few years under their belt. It’s the fact that this day had to finally come where my wife and I would start sending the last birdie in our nest of life to school. To begin that road of leaving our home! Though we will be sad, it will also be a milestone in which all our monkeys will be in school. We get ready to look forward to football games, science fair projects and learning to read.

So the night before, we make preparation in getting all the children to complete their daily chores, get their baths and of course this is not a smooth transition in our home. This involved seem repeat, more repeat and then afterwards some more repeat. So we get down to the end of the night as we are getting ready for bed, but then comes a day that I believe broke my wife’s heart. Though it may not be the norm, it’s perfectly fine in our family that our youngest has always slept in the same bed with us and though the other two were out of the bed way before their first day of kindergarten, it was our last one that stayed until the night before his first day of school. So as much as he didn’t want to sleep in his own bed its was all part of that milestone that needed to be accomplished. So there we are my wife and I lying in bed as if we were to lost adults wondering what the hell just happened-Where’s our Jett? Of course Jett came in the room shortly after but we had to stick to our guns, a regret I will have some day wishing I had my little boy back. So now that all is quite and in the middle of the night I’m hit by a freeze in which I would not normally even bother, but my little space heater was gone. No more shovel and kicking me in the back so that I can spend the next day knowing why my back hurt-Its over! He’s is a growing boy.

Ring Ring-The alarm goes off and my wife is already at making pancakes for the children as they are getting ready-Well at least the two oldest. We make our way to Jett’s room and there lies our little one sleeping with such peace. “Jett..its time to get up..first day of school” and Bam! This boy jumps up as though someone gave him 10 cups of coffee. Jett was ready to go! It didn’t take long as he got ready and ate his breakfast and soon observe this little boy sitting on the couch patiently and nervously waiting for the day ahead. He puts on his backpack which easily consumes his whole body, but like a prepared soldier proudly says “I need to carry this! I’m a big boy now! (Pause to restrain the emotional sadness I feel writing this)…..

So we are all packed up and Jayden looking sharp ready for the beginning of his Sophomore year and Zayde not missing a beat for 5th grade and I realize that my children are growing too fast….Way too fast! I’ve spent so many hours working that I look back that Jett was only 2 when I took this job and now my children are 3 years down the road in their lives. Where have I been? Life is going by too fast and if I don’t change it I’m going to miss the best years of my life-Seeing my children grow!

So I’m going to make this promise to myself that I will make the time and find the ways to witness these moments because in the near future I will have a son off to college, a daughter in her teens and my little Jett being the caboose to my heart strings being pulled as my birdies leave the nest.

Give while you have the opportunity

Tags

Christmas, Faith, Family, Friendship, Giving, God, God is Good, Hope, Love, Miracles, Opportunity, Santa Claus

We are at that time of year again in which we make a valiant attempt to put our differences aside from the rat race of everyday living and start thinking more of others. I’m talking about the gift of giving, it’s Christmas season! What exactly is Christmas season and what does it means to others? Well I can’t speak on behalf of everyone else in this world but I can tell you the different emotional roller coaster it has put me through. As a young lad growing up-HAHA! I’m Texas born and New Mexico raised and I’m using “young lad” to describe myself. Back to the subject-As I was a young lad growing up, Christmas was always special in my home because we weren’t exactly loaded with money by any means, which looking back I know that my parents worked really hard every year to make sure that Christmas was a special time for us. I can’t say that I got everything I ever asked for and that’s OK because it has allowed me to grow up knowing that we can’t always obtain what we desire in life or maybe its how we tell ourselves lies to look past the fact we were spoiled brats and our parents wanted us to appreciate the gift of Christmas and not the modern-day commercial image. Hmmmm that’s a whole new blog in itself, but looking back Christmas was a wonderful time for me.

So now that I have moved past the time in my life of anxiously not being able to go to sleep because I couldn’t just wait to see what I received for Christmas the next morning. I have now focused on how my children are going to feel when they get up and see what wonderful gifts have been brought to them from the fat man in the red suit. But it wasn’t always exciting, because my wife and I weren’t always as blessed as we are today. We stressed about when, where and how we were going to get the funds to provide for our little anxious monkeys. Luckily the man in the fat suit came through for us once again.

You have to believe to receive!!!!!!!!

As I get older and my children are starting to move on past those days of the fat man in the red suit as well I have been more prone to start giving to others outside my home. Not because it’s Christmas season, but because I have had the opportunity to do so. I have been caught twice recently at the gas station by people stranded and didn’t have any gas so I decided to pre-pay $20 to get them to their destination. They amazing part of this story is that I witnessed another person give the only cash he had in his pocket to help out as well. When I witness these acts of kindness I know those who give from the heart as this other gentleman did, I know that “God is Good” and he will be repaid ten folds. But the ability to do so isn’t measured by the dollar amount contributed in helping others. It could be time, such as friendship. That’s right, spending time with a someone when you have a small window to do so-Call them, text them and make it even more special-Send them a letter. We could give hope! We can hope tho those who are less fortunate and provide empathy to their troubles in life and with the little time that you have given them and a little empathy, that empathy may turn to sympathy and you may realize a time in your life when you didn’t have hope, friendship and had empty pockets.

So as the season comes closer I can only hope that I have the opportunity to give more than yesterday and surpass that mark tomorrow. My wife and I had the opportunity this year to donate plush toys that had been donated by the community and take them to those who are in need. So that they have a little something more this Christmas that wasn’t expected. Once again I have to say that when you give from the heart God gives back. Our family has been very blessed and now I believe that ours needs are being fulfilled by the Good Lord, because we have thought of other besides ourselves. We scheduled to meet with some people a week back, which was a very important meeting for our family and the future of our lives, but I could only think about how excited I was able to load up my own red sleigh and magically make a trip to deliver these toys. I felt like Santa Claus himself and by my wife’s quote that I also had the belly too, I guess for that moment I was what we all waiting for as children. The idea, the gift and the person who had the opportunity to do so.

Just so that I don’t stray to far from the root of all that is good, we must remember that  though I have referenced the fat man in the red suit-thanks Coca-Cola for that great marketing skill, the truth of giving comes from the only truth of Christmas. The birth of our Savior! He was a gift from our God, who was given gifts from 3 wise men who had the opportunity to do so. And our savior gave a gift to me and the whole world whom which he died for our sins. Usually this leaves the door open for criticism and those whom don’t believe, but I guess we could all say that none of this is true, because seeing is believing. Well just to stop the critics, the non-believers and those who are too selfish to give, I have witnessed something as a child that may be the source to why I Love the opportunity to give and now that our Lord’s word is real.

It was the Christmas I believe of 87 and we had completed opening our presents and I can’t tell you exactly what I received that year but I do remember that I was one happy kid. It wasn’t shortly after that when our parents told us to get ready as we had planned to make some rounds and visit others family and friends in the community. We pulled up to some friends of the family’s home and when we had entered the home, it wasn’t all Christmas joy as expected. Their children had been crying because they had not received the gift of their expectations. No way am writing about this to described spoiled children because they weren’t. They were very good people and great friends of mine. I even consider them my brothers. At my age I didn’t truly understand why, but I can only assume that maybe their was financial hardship or maybe something a simple as not knowing exactly what they wanted for Christmas and personally is none of my business, but as a friend I did my best to just act like it wasn’t a big deal and that we should just make the best of the Christmas day. Come to find out they had been upset because they wanted a Nintendo. That was all the craze in my days and I don’t blame them-Nintendo was the primary want of every kid’s Christmas list.

So then a couple of hours past and I was sitting there, just enjoying the company of my friends and see my dad pull up to the house. I didn’t even know he had left as I was distracted by the simple idea of being a kid. What I witnessed next was pure magical. My father had shown back up to the home with a gift for the children-A Nintendo game console!! Man if I could only described the look on my friend’s faces. It wasn’t until many years after that I had reminisced on that day and what I had witnessed my old man do. He was that man who had the opportunity to give, not by the value of the Nintendo but the hope and belief of Christmas and its miracles. I come from a small community of no more than 1500 people. It wasn’t exactly like we had a store open on Christmas day and one that sold Nintendo’s at that. I’m sure if there was, it wouldn’t have been open. I never asked my dad how he did it and I’m not sure if I ever want to know. I want that to forever be my opportunity to have witnessed a Christmas miracle.

Witnessing that act of kindness by my father was the real gift of Christmas

As we move on with our lives, stop and look at your blessing and the opportunities we have each day to give to others.

Happy Holidays and God Bless!

Taking gifts to those in need in my red sleigh

The Fold in my Boots

Tags

Boots, Faith, Family, God is Good, Love, Men of Faith, Peace, Prayer, Spirituality, Thankful, TIme

In today’s world we have lost many family traditions that have taken many generations to build, to maintain and to assure that they are not lost. But with the technology of today it has allowed us to mainstream a lot of what we do today. We live the life in which we feel that we always need to be rushing to something. We spend more time updating our Facebook to inform our family and friends what is going on in our lives, then just calling them. But wait we don’t have time to call everyone, that would take hours to tell everyone that we just got a promotion, a new addition to the family is coming or how our lil boy just scored his first touchdown in the city pee-wee football league.

As we continue to grow older and more involved in the ever-changing world we continue to a little more time to the day and have even begun to sacrifice the essentials of life, like sleeping and eating. We try to make up time by getting fast food and buying quick preparing meals. We even believe that if the speed limit is 55 and we go 56 that we are getting ahead of where we need to be. We have no time for paying for things, we don’t pull out cash and count the change, we just swipe the card and even can do one better these days and pass our phone by the a machine that makes a payment almost instantly. Just think and ask yourself when was the last time you actually walked into a post office to buy stamps or even mail a letter? Last time you made popcorn instead of microwaved popcorn? I can spend all day just thinking of the little things in life that we have lost to time because we need to hurry. We have all done it and continue to do it on a daily basis and I bet all the change in my pocket…LOL! Yeah right! I don’t have time for change. OK I bet the balance of change on my debit card that you will agree but continue to live the life in the fast lane.

I’m guilty…I’m one of those people I speak of. I think that if I can find a way to cut a corner I can use those precious few seconds somewhere else, but what does it get me? Absolutely Nothing! I lost more with the rush of life, the Facebook status, the hurry mentality that has caused me to neglect more important things in life, like family, friends and God. In the most recent years and the help of my wife I have been able to sit back a little more and appreciate the finer things in life. To stop the rush and enjoy the times that you may not have the opportunity to do tomorrow. I know..I know, we have all heard the same old saying of “stop and smell the roses!” Once again lets put my winnings from the earlier bet and no double my winnings by saying that I bet that when that saying was used for the first time that the world didn’t have anything close to what we have today in regards to technology and the need to live the American dream and so on. So obviously when established then it was trying to portray a message that stands true today-Slow down!! Don’t take life so seriously, no one gets out alive anyways! Right!

So what do we do now? and the answer is nothing! Do absolute nothing sometimes or do something you haven’t done in a long time because you have given yourself the excuse that you didn’t have the time. But done approach the task as if it has a deadline, if you don’t obtain and/or complete it, then done frown about it but enjoy the serenity of peace with yourself and taken time for yourself, your family/friends and your spirituality.

“Today I got up when my body was ready with no alarm clock and decide that I would put on my best dress clothes along with my new boots that I try to keep flawless for the fact that I just wanted to make my presence to church today as perfect as the Love my God gives to me and my family.” “I took a Starbucks order from my wife-White chocolate peppermint mocha and my little boy Jett-Chocolate milk of course. I spend my time patiently looking my best and headed to Starbucks. I get there and decided that I needed to get Jayden a double-chocolate chip Frappuccino and Zayde a hot-Chocolate. I sit there patiently waiting because in the West Texas oasis patience is something you learn to embrace” “I get home and drop off the drinks as Zayde jumps in the truck with me as we head to church. We go through church listening to the sermon about utilizing out talents to help others and how we shouldn’t waste them.” “After church Zayde and I head to the restaurant of her choice because I’m in no rush today is a day of Sabbath and I’m practicing the stop and smells the roses method” “We finish our meal-Hamburgers had been the meal of choice and we head home” “What a perfect day this Sunday! “I kick off my boots and noticed that my boots are no longer flawless”

There is a fold in my boots

I guess when a man stops, looks at life through the blessing his God has given him. I guess we you kneel down to pray to him I guess its natural to get a fold in his boot.

God Bless!

Gabriel

A fold in my boots

My Worst enemy!

Tags

Awareness, Cancer, Fight Until the End, Forgive, God, Hate, Motherly Love, My Enemy, Stay Strong, Unconditional Love

Well this one is a really tough one for me to talk about, given that I have to talk about something that I really like to keep private and personal.

For one thing I’m a very resentful person in which I have held grudges that would make you cringe to what is really going on in my mind. There have been people in my life that have done me wrong, hurt me or someone I love. I could easily make this a story about how sweet revenge would be the solution but unfortunately I have come to a point in my life that I would rather do what is right, but then again I’m not perfect.

Growing up in a small town it was easy to separate yourself from society and also get easily labeled into a group of people. I use to despise certain individuals and groups for no reason and I would justify my “hate” for them.  Yes I said “Hate”! I was once told that Hate is a powerful word and that we truly don’t hate things, we just may dislike them or not truly understand them.  Well I was young and very green to world so all I had to stand on was what I had experience to this point in my life and just maybe somewhat influenced by television. Either way it was hard wired and there was nothing that was going to change that!

So now I’m here 20 somewhat years down the road and now in a more established point in my life-So I think. So quick flashback to my young self having this ideation of the world and standing here now in my mid 30’s. I’m either set in my ways or just maybe I learned a little something from going to college, getting out on my own and now a man with a wife by his side raising a family.

I think it would fair for me to say that though I continue to have somewhat of a anger issue towards the way this world is and how some people continue to treat it, I can’t say that I’m mad at anyone.

Why don’t I have enemies?????

I think I have to give the fact that I have had the opportunity to meet many wonderful people in my life and personally know them not only at their best but at their worst. We are human and we all have our ups and downs., so this helped me so much in understanding why people in my past who I didn’t think to highly of acted the way they did or even worse! Treat people they way they did. That’s one thing I can’t tolerate which are bullies, but I grew to know that bullies are people who themselves are people  who have gotten bullied. People who hurt others are people that have been hurt themselves. So this started clearing my black heart for these people and I soon begin to understand that a person’s initial heart is pure of love and good, and only when its is poisoned becomes a infectious disease spread to others. Plus you can’t make everyone happy either, I heard this wonderful saying the other day that said “You can be the biggest most juiciest peach in the world, there will always been someone who doesn’t like peaches” and it made so much sense and such a truthful statement. We can’t please everyone, we can only hope to do what is right so that we ourselves don’t spread that infectious disease.

So now as I sit looking back of how my life has allowed me to become a better person I feel that I have been doing everything right for the most part. I have made those calls to ask for forgiveness and have befriended people whom I believed were my enemies. I guess I can’t go wrong at this point, but have I truly addressed My Worst Enemy? This took some hard thought and meditation to really look deep into my soul and determine whether I have or have not.

It was this past Sunday in which I was sitting there in church listening to the priest provide his sermon on how we can be better people and whether we have become people of God. I was like “Hell Yeah” I’m a man of God, but in a ll serious the priest continue to comments about our final days and that one day all our Yes and No’s would be tallied up and that this would be a time of our judgment. But it won’t be a tally but only the last opportunity, one last question that was gonna show our true heart and be accepted into the kingdom of heaven. Now it’s nice to believe that we will be comforted by this bright shiny light that’s gonna inspire us to make this decision very easily, but just what if that light is not God or some familiar loved one. What if our final judgment is being measured by how we confront our worst enemy.  Just imagine the person you despise the most in this world is between you and the kingdom of God! Your initial reaction itself will quickly decide your fate. Well personally I don’t want even want to think this would be a 50/50 chance of failure. I want to make the right decision immediately and the only way we can do that is by making these steps in our lives to become pure at heart, to love one another and stop the hate.

Great! There is that ugly word again “Hate” but it’s as real as what I’m going to share with you. So as the priest finished his sermon it came to me who would be that image across from me at the time of my judgment. I can see it so clearly that I have a hate in my heart so bad that I don’t know now if I can ever make the right decision.

Before I go into further detail about my worst enemy I want to explain of how my enemy even was able to achieve that rank. I didn’t even know my enemy personally and never even seen its face. But my enemy came from right behind and infiltrated my life and before I could truly understand what is going on, it had already taken one thing from me that I can never forgive it for……….

…..It took my mother. (Tears and a brief moment to reflect on the most awesome  mother I had)

I Fucking Hate you Cancer!

You come taking innocent lives from people who never once invited you nor flirted with your existence.

I dont know if this counts but this is my worst enemy and I’m sure the enemy to many others. I don’t know when I will accept what it has taken from me and my family, but I do know that though it has defeated many. It didn’t defeat my mother! Though it took her life she never once blamed Cancer, she never used the word “Hate” in conversation with her sickness. This was the same woman who told me not to “Hate” and I guess if she didn’t hate it neither should I, but its so hard to live moments in my life without her and to live life period.

Though its breast cancer awareness month I want to remind all that cancer is cancer. It does not judge, nor does it care about race, gender, sexuality or religious preference. It doesn’t care about anything, so continue to support your local charities and with the grace of God that maybe one day we find a cure so that we don’t have to live life with Hate in our hearts.

God Bless and Good Night

Never Stop the Fight

Don’t do the Crime, if you don’t want to do the time.

Tags

Criminals, Dog Catcher, Funny, Guilty Conscience, Stupid People

So back in the old days when I worked for a mental health facility, I just loved the fact that I could come home for lunch at times and just spend a short break with my family while conversing about what has been going on in our day. I usually just spoke about minor things that was going on at work or maybe something as simple as figuring out what we had planned for dinner. This was a normal routine with nothing ever really out of the norm happening, almost like the movie “Ground Hog Day”.

As we conform to the tasks of everyday living, once and a while there is just that certain thing that happens in our lives that makes us think twice about who we are and who we want to become. Is easy to say that this obviously happened one day as I was heading to our apartment for a normal everyday lunch with the family. As I was about to get to the apartment I noticed a little down the road what appeared to me as a cop truck slowly cruising down the road. This looked particularly odd but hey I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but someone was being staked out. As I got closer to the entrance of the apartment complex I noticed that there was a young couple probably early 20’s with the mother pushing a baby stroller with her significant other by her side. Well I quickly realized that the cop truck down the road was making the mother very unsettling and she could barely keep her composure  as the truck begin to make its way slowly toward where I was located along with this couple. Thats when I noticed that the mother has now transferred the baby stroller duties over to her man and she begin a more heavily paced walk away from the truck.

It felt like a slow motion wild west showdown and everything got slower with the clock fixing to hit high noon and I knew there was going to be some action. It felt like an eternity to the point that I felt like I exhausted my whole lunch break.

THEN IT HAPPENED!!!

The truck turned on its lights and slammed on the gas and started to makes its way towards our location.

MOMMA WAS GONE GONE LIKE USAIN BOLT!!!

All I could think at this point, is that this woman just left her child with her man who continued to push the stroller all nonchalant, because momma was not going back to the pen. So me there, just watching this unfold was like “Where the hell is my popcorn? This is getting good!”. So this woman took off behind a building and the truck hits the breaks knowing that he had to cut off his prey at a different direction. He slams on the gas but starts towards a direction no where close to the direction that the woman was heading and I was just thinking that he was gonna lose her and she was getting away. So I quickly repositioned myself as I was now closer to my apartment and knew I could get a better view from my backyard.

Here comes the truck around the corner hauling ass like he stole the damn truck himself. At this point I’m thinking they are going to hit the main road and cut this woman off and its time to face the consequences woman.

“SCREEEEEEEECH”

The truck hits the breaks again and suddenly a man jumps out of his truck and starts running with a net in his hand?!?!?!  What the hell is going on? and that’s when I saw the little rascal he was preying on the whole time. A stray dog roaming the complex hiding through the buildings. Thats when it hit me and I was officially a grown man crying in laughter. I got a closer look at the vehicle and it was a city vehicle with a emblem that resembled a cop’s emblem. It was the freaking dog catcher! As I try to pull myself together and once again crumble in laughter thinking “Where the hell did that obviously guilty woman go?” I will never know! I guess we all kind of won something this day. The dog catcher got the dog, I got the laugh of the year and some poor woman feels like she outsmarted the cops!

On a side note – Support your local pets rescue-They are not criminals and shouldn’t

have to be locked up-God Bless and Goodnight.

Death to Machismo

Tags

Alpha Male, Hear me roar, Its OK to cry!, Machismo, Manly Men, Pedicures, Security

This is one for all the men out there whom think to believe that you’re not a man unless your belching, scratching yourself in specific places, talking about manly things, like horsepower and old high school football stories. I could go on for days about the stereotype characteristics that we must show to others to prove that we are the toughest of the toughest. “I am Alpha Male-Hear me ROAR!!!!!!”

Well guess what? None of that is really necessary and hasn’t been necessary since we had probably had to kill our food daily and find a hole to jump in at the day’s end to protect ourselves from the creatures of the night. But don’t get me wrong, there is a primal instinct that we do need,but it’s something that rarely shows its ugly face, if ever.

So let me take you back to a very normal day this past August when I came to the realization that I was getting another year older and another year away from the days that I felt the need to piss on things just to mark my territory. But this day had a whole different schedule. My wife had scheduled me to go get a pedicure at a Diva Nails and spa. For anybody who knows me it’s not a big deal for me to try new things especially when its free and given to me for my birthday. So here I was being the only male customer in the building. But yet I wasn’t bothered because why? Because I know who I am and I was more uncomfortable looking like an idiot because I wasn’t familiar to what to do. So I was there sitting back enjoying the massaging chairs getting my calves rubbed having a conversation as if I was one of the girls and fellas…

If you want to know how woman think and what they communicate openly about, sit in one of these places for an hour and blend in, you might be surprised by what you learn.

But this is not the part of the story where I run to the guys and tell them – Hey fellas what to now what woman think–blah blah blah? I don’t have time for that plus I still have a woman of my own I dabble into this practice daily. So as I get almost to the end of this pedicure, it comes to the point where I can get up and be done, but nope not me! If I’m to enjoy the whole experience I was going to get my nails painted too. This wasn’t just paint them black and be done with the most masculine color available. Oh Hell no I want something special! and what is it that I got! Hello Motha F#$%ing Kitty! and Boom! I was done-Time to move on with my day and rock my new painted toe nails.

And this is where the real story begins! I was going to have to share the awesome time I had, not about the “What women think category”, but damn! Pedicures are freaking awesome! I’m sure that there are plenty of men out there that get them and I’m sure they are called movie stars, professional athletes, millionaires and billionaires, but i was catering to a whole different level of men-Oil Field workers. Not sure where you would rate oil field workers amongst the manliest of men, but I’m sure they are pretty up there. Even my friend “Phoenix” who actually works there, said that her man hasn’t been convinced yet to get one-Amazing! He is missing out! Anyways I walked in to work the next day with my “Honey Badger doesn’t give a Fuck” attitude and bragged about how awesome my pedicure was yesterday. Did I phase them? Hmmm I guess you can say I did, but then I said check this pic out! and like John Madden would say “Boom” Hello Motha F#$%ing Kitty again! Looking like a predator ready to pounce!

Now I have officially cracked the vault between the difference of men and real men! I was quickly looked at, as if I had lost my damn mind and that’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted to see how grown ass men would react to another male-Me 6′ 2″ 260lbs with Hello Motha F#$%ing Kitty toe nails. I stood there proud and solid in my foundation while other men almost puffed out so much you think they would explode. But why? Because every primitive instinct came forward and they knew they couldn’t show weakness or inferiority! I went on with my day leaving their minds at wonder to why I did this. I did this because Machismo is dead! Because there is more to life than to be on guard all the damn time trying to prove something that doesn’t mean anything to anybody but only themselves. A battle in their head that says I can’t show weakness, I can’t let people know I have flaws, that I have things that hurt me. I’m suppose  to be indestructible!

Fellas I do have to say something! I mention that none of this Machismo is needed but that there is a primal instinct in us we have in us instinctively. Yes-We are men and don’t worry that instinct will come forward without you knowing, it will come quicker than a bolt of lighting when one tries to hurt the ones we love and when we truly stand up for something we believe in “God, Our Family and our Country” we will fight to the death. (Insert patriotic music here).

OK Stop humming the music in your head. So Yes I hurt, I cry and sometimes I get my toe tails painted, but that doesn’t make me any lesser of a man. If you think it does a better never catch you doing, saying, or acting in any other way than a man should act because you will friend out soon enough that you have already failed your opportunity to be 100% man all the time.

I’m gonna get in a fight tonight!!!

Tags

Family, Fighting, Friendship, Handling Stress, Losing, Love, My Son, Winning

So it was a long week at work! I can’t even start to explain the frustration that I’ve had this week. So trying to be a professional  that I am, I chose to take the high road and just let things be but I knew that in my heart that I can’t let things like this just pass me by and that something needed to be said. So guess what? It was said and the outcome was everything that it should be “Lets be professionals”. So as I chalked one up for the whole but then I was once again hit with the fact that I would have more work, due to my “T.I.T” (Technician in Training) had quit on me. Well not on me but he had quit the company, but I have to say that I’m proud of him because he was leaving to be closer to his brothers. When it comes to family nothing else matters but God himself and I would leave everything for my family. So I’m here at work being thrown different projects to plus picking up the work I had planned out for him. So you can easily see how my frustration has built up during the week and no it was time to deflate. So I got a call tonight and was invited to come out to local pub and have some drinks with a good friend of my wife and I. My wife had to work in the morning so she suggested I go by myself.

So here I am putting down a couple of drinks still carrying the baggage of the work week with me. I’m not special so I assume that every other guy in this place has probably had to carry the same burden as I and once alcohol is mixed we all know that nothing good can come of this. I can say this with absolute confident being that I have worked as a bouncer back in my college days and things can escalate quickly. So as my drink became more empty I just had that feeling that something was brewing and I was destined to get into some altercation tonight. The clock was ticking and the bomb was set….

….and then BOOM! It happened! It was just him and I standing toe to toe and I wasn’t really sure how I was going to handle this. BUt I knew that this was an opportunity to release all that tension that had been building up all week and that I could just leave it all here tonight. But there is another way this could play out! He could kick my ass and he vent on me and I would have more stress and make my week even worse! But hey you live once and sometimes you had to stand up for yourself and just duke it out.

Well its over! and I wish I had a better way to say this but I lost, but it wasn’t a total loss because I didn’t have more stress and actually I feel better. How could this be given that my opponent was only 4 years old! I out weighed him by 230lbs easy and he won! I guess I learned that just because you’re the bigger guy you don’t always win the fight. I didn’t have a chance! He grabbed my heart so tight that I could barely breath and just yanked my stress out all over the carpet. He smothered me with a combination of kisses and came with the knock out!

I Love You Dad

Yup Jett wins another one! But it’s perfectly OK because that’s why I endure the stressful work environments and the long hours-For my family.

I’m gonna beat you up!

So as I come to close just remember that not all situation should be seen as a negative situation but an opportunity to enrich and make your life better. I had made a couple bucks at work, even an extra few so that I can spend time with friends after work and  get re-united with my loved ones and home. I get showered with love once I get home and get warm feeling deep down in my heart that I’m truly blessed. So in all reality..

Did I really lose the fight?